"On the Pain of Being Severed"
By Sister Anya
Although my fellow severed sibliren know all too well the pain involved with having to wait months upon months before one has a first-hand clue about what is currently being discussed in listservs, newsgroups, IRC chats, and other gatherings throughout North America (not that it will by any means be the currently discussed topic by the time we've seen the episode), I feel that that few of the unsevered understand what this pain really involves.
I speak as one who once walked amongst you, the unsevered, confident in the knowledge that I would see the episodes when they first aired. For I knew, as certain as the sun rising in the sky, I would get to see a new X-Files episode on Sunday nights, along with everyone else. Oh sure, the east coasters got it a few hours before me, of course there were disappointing reruns stuck in the middle of the season, but if there was a new episode, I would see it. What other state of matters could possibly exist? I am now in the middle of winter in Norway, living 250 miles above the arctic circle. I do not get to see new episodes when they air, and, in a possibly related phenomenon, the sun never rises either.
My goal here is help you feel our pain. (Please note that I do this not in some petty retaliation towards you darn lucky people who get to see the darn episodes when they air even though you've done nothing to deserve such a privilege, but bring our sibliren together in their understanding of one another.)
I am now a SVYRDMUL, but it must be admitted that even in the old, golden
days I was a spoiler slut. So a (BA)SV might ask, "so how it is different?
It's not like leaving the States deflowered you or anything!" To
illustrate the difference, let me give you two examples, both deeply
ingrained in my memory.
Episode: Redux II
Anya's location: California, USA
The build-up: The premiere has premiered. What will happen next week?
We were all on edge. By Saturday there was a air of franticness and if
seemed as if Sunday would never come. When it did, most of the day was
spent in preparation. Early evening, the real edge-of-the-seatness begins
as posts roll in from the east coast. I get onto IRC, and those in the
know say that there are five kisses (of sorts), and I am so ecstatic that I
bound through the dorm, essentially telling anyone who will listen that
there are five kisses!!! (It should be noted that this turned out to be
a miscount, there were actually four, I believe.) And people regarded this
strange girl who hardly ever hung around in the common areas with something of wonder, or perhaps it was fear, but who cared? There were five kisses! And looks! Lots of looks! It was all so caring and heart wrenching and wonderful and it was almost, finally finally 9 o'clock and it was time to
watch it myself and there it was! Just as those who had gone before me
had prophesied! Oh it was a beautiful thing. And then it was time to
get back on IRC and talk more and compare notes and read more mail and
reply to more mail and watch it again and email friends and finally stumble
into bed, only to rise the next morning and resume discussion.
Episode: Triangle
Anya's location: Copenhagen, Denmark
The build-up: Around the beginning of the season there is talk of a great
episode. I read the tidbits, I email my mother and ask her to send me the
X-Files magazine in which the making of this episode is discussed. I
love what I hear about the setting. I look at pictures of Scully in a
30's dress and definitely approve. I want more. Everyone wants more. We
want to see it. The week before it airs I email any friends who even
casually watch the show and tell them not to miss this one. Sunday night I
work out at what hour of the morning it will be when it airs. I'm on pins
and needles. I rush to the school's computer lab Monday morning and read
everything, poring over images and delighting in The Great Scully Cross (by
now I am on the OBSSE list as well), and studiously follow discussions on
the last exchange between Scully and Mulder and Scully's possible frame of
mind, etc. Later that week a video of the last scene is available and I
repeatedly watch it. I've now read the script, looked at pictures,
imagined it all in my mind, followed all discussions. But I haven't
technically seen it.
Time goes by. I don't think about it as much. It only gets mentioned here
and there. Many other episodes have come and gone. Months later I am
finally able to sit down to watch Triangle... only to find that, sadly, the
wait had stretched too long and actually seeing the episode kindled no new
spark in me.
The moral of the story is that there is a very big difference between
building up anticipation with everyone else and then seeing it with
everyone else, and building up anticipation with everyone else and then
remembering you're severed. (Cue violin music) Not only do The Severed
not get to see the episode when it airs, we do not get to discuss the
episode, which adds up to the pain, oh the terrible, terrible pain of
being Severed. (Violins to fade)