We take our battles and personal vendettas
very seriously here at SVYRDMUL Incorporated.
These are the weapons of choice of The Severed
reviewers, who are habitually cranky and ready
for a fight. It's all Mulder's fault... somehow.

Please tread carefully as you peruse this page
(we will not be paying any compensation for
injuries that will no doubt occur as someone
can't resist trying out one of these weapons.)

   

Name: The Club
Function: Incurring massive head trauma, usually instigated by Aderyn.
Owner: Theoretically The Club is a shared weapon, but a certain co-founder uses it rather more often than the other co-founder does.
Injuries to date: Multiple Skullhead fractures and a big bleepin' pile of resentment.
Additional information: The Club was the first official weapon of The Severed, and has made a cameo in a review (much to Skull's discomfort). Aderyn likes to utilise this impressive weapon when Skull is demonstrating excessive shippiness, whininess, childishness, laziness, snarkiness...basically all principal aspects of her personality. But all shall be revenged. Uh, maybe.

Name: Shipper Bow and Arrows
Function: Inducing shippiness in a very, very painful way.
Owner: Skull
Injuries to date: The "Goldberg Variation" review, except Aderyn doesn't know it yet...she is under the impression that she was being open-minded or something.
Additional information: The Shipper Bow and Arrows, carved from the bow of The Ship, was a gift from Aderyn to Skull on the happy occasion of Skull's nineteenth birthday. Aderyn has since regretted letting Skull anywhere near a potentially fatal weapon, but Skull thinks it is very, very cool. She sleeps (platonically) with her weapon every night - it is slightly less comfortable than a teddy bear, but they have bonded.

   

Name: Spear of Indecision
Function: Instilling 'shippers and the occasional noromo with a horrible sense of confusion and indecisiveness in regards to The Relationship. Oh, and some pain as well. The spear also functions as a useful piece of operating equipment, and allowed Aderyn to trepan Skull during the "Orison" review.
Owner: Aderyn
Injuries to date: Technically, none (unless you count the great big honking hole that graces Skull's cranium)- Aderyn usually just can't make up her mind whether to use it or not.
Additional information: The Spear of Indecision is of course constructed from a section of The Fence. Aderyn believes that by sitting on The Fence, she is Always Right. However, this will not do her much good when the termites eat her alive.

Name: Backfiring Pistol
Function: Um...making oneself feel really good, while concurrently making someone else feel really bad. But in a nice way.
Owner: This one is truly a shared weapon, but Skull inexplicably uses it to excess at a certain time of the month.
Injuries to date: Lots of little Wit Wounds on the bodies of both co-founders.
Additional information: The Backfiring Pistol is a physical representaion of a snappy, somewhat nasty comeback. For instance, if Aderyn grumbled, "Skull, you can't get ANYTHING right!", then Skull could use the Backfiring Pistol to say, "Oh yeah? Well at least I'm not OLD."...okay, maybe that's not the best example, but you get the idea.

        These images are by-products
of Aderyn's warped imagination.
Please ask before you steal anything ;)