Severed Review: "Patience"
By Skullhead

To endure this Monster of the Week outing of XF, you needed to have
Patience Within yourself. Last week, Scully, still Young at Heart but
Without Mulder, of all things, was heartrending to watch, gave the
emotions a good Squeeze, and made some poor viewers Sleepless. Our
poor little redheaded agent was exhibiting unmistakable signs of Unruhe
as her quest for Mulder proved to be a series of Humbugs and Detours.
As the baddies watched from the Shadows, the Irresistible Scully
searched for a Colony of Little Green Men but found only Fresh Bones.
Revelations were afoot as Doggett, feeling that this Field Trip was
Unrequited, faced his own Demons and resolved Never Again to
underestimate The Unnatural forces of the world. This week's episode,
however, was just Bad Blood in comparison.

Aderyn: STOOOOOOOP! For the love of God, ENOUGH with the puns.
You're freaking killing me.
Skull: That's the idea.
Aderyn: Predictable joke. You're slipping.
Skull: Don't get pedantic. You'll soon be as picky as my dear Phledge dot
dot dot, if you don't watch out. And you know what happened to her.
Aderyn: Drowned in a puddle of her own schmoop. It was really
tragic.
Skull: That's not even the worst of it. I hear she died with a participle still
dangling.
Aderyn: Is it not ironic? Do you not consider it so?

Before I discuss the actual episode, I feel I must say a word about the
new credits. Mulder has disappeared. Not only does he not make
appearances in the episodes any more, but they are *uncredited* non-
appearances. Speaking from a personal perspective, I consider this a
travesty. Despite the fact that we don't actually see Mulder, and he has
no lines, and Scully has another partner, and the two of them work really
well together, and *he* appears in the credits, and they hunt bats, the
episodes are obviously completely about Mulder. How dare he be
removed from the credits just because he isn't in the
episodes in a *physical* sense?

Aderyn: I think it was a mistake actually. They probably just flung that
Antarctic PI a bit too far, and it got stuck behind the dresser or
something.
Skull: No, no. I think Doggett stole it so he could break into the credit
world. Speaking of which...

A shocking moment in this episode came with the revelation of Doggett's
kleptomania. Not only did he filch the Mulder PI from the opening credits,
but he also pocketed Mulder's desk, and Scully felt the need to hide
Mulder's nameplate so it would not meet with the same fate. In addition to
this, the afflicted Doggett spent the weekend rifling through the file
cabinets in the basement office. One can only guess at what he found.

Aderyn: Mulder?
Skull: It would have been poetic, but I doubt it. Maybe he found Scully's
buttons.
Aderyn: Or the continuity of the mytharc.
Skull: Or Ma Scully.
Aderyn: Or The Truth.
Skull: <snicker> The Truth Is In There Behind The Flukeman File.

This entire episode was littered with Mulder references. Despite his
absence from the credits, CC and Co. are clearly anxious to preserve
the precious partnership. The entire plotline of "Patience" was a beautiful
tribute to our beloved Scrunchy-Face. A lonely rich guy turns to fighting
crime in order to avenge a childhood trauma... Mulder, this is your life.
Though the writers went slightly overboard by having Dominant Male
BatMulder attack Doggett, their use of subtle symbolism was brilliant as
always. Another example of this was the use of regurgitating bats, which
were clearly meant to parallel the regurgitation of the plotline. Well done,
CC. You never cease to amaze me.

A strong theme in this episode was the establishing of Scully and
Doggett's roles in their new partnership. Though I think the boys were on
to a good thing by having the agents wear T-shirts with FEMALE
PREGNANT FBI AGENT - BELIEVER and EXTRA MANLY MALE FBI
AGENT - SCEPTIC on them, they went a little too far by extending this
concept to include the supporting characters as well. We really did not
need to know about the INCONTINENT LITTLE OLD LADY or the MALE
SHERIFF WITH JOHN GOODMAN FIXATION. Skinner's yellow shirt with
MALE FBI ASSISTANT DIRECTOR CURRENTLY UNDERGOING
SEXUAL ORIENTATION CRISIS was also a little TMI for my taste.

The boys at 1013 are to be commended for this episode's continuity with
the classic "Never Again". As a viewer I was quite puzzled at first as to
why Doggett was watching Scully's back - but it all became clear when it
was revealed that Scully's ill-fitting, gaping shirt exposed her blatant
cross-promotional tactic...I mean, tattoo. Nobody can blame our manly
man for getting a bit hot under the collar after that.

Aderyn: Don't forget the continuity with "3".
Skull: Eh?
Aderyn: Come on, it's obvious. Scully disappears, Mulder's lonely, Mulder
has sex with vampire. Mulder disappears, Scully's lonely, Scully hunts
vampire bat.
Skull: Oooh yeah! Another Mulder reference! I can't believe I missed that
one! CC's just too smart for me I guess.

One scene I could have lived without, however, was the one involving a
flashlight contest between Doggett and the Manly Sheriff Men. When the
MSM disdainfully bade Scully to go and make them a samwich (perhaps
because she was not wearing either her White Tank Top of Authority or
her Lacy Black Garter Belt of Supremacy), Doggett stepped in like the
manly man he is, whipped out his flashlight, and began comparing its
size to those of the men around him. Imagine poor Doggett's dismay
when he realised he'd only packed his puny little penlight! Luckily, Scully
came to the rescue and laconically removed a lightsaber from her garter
belt. I guess we know who wears the pants in this partnership.

Aderyn: Yet *another* Mulder moment for us all to treasure.
Skull: Totally. I mean, who could forget that memorable scene in [enter
episode name of your choice here_______ ] where Mulder fumbled with
his torch?
Aderyn: Yeah baby! Keep the Muldernuity comin'.

Despite Doggett's blatant inferiority, he exhibited the true signs of a
gentleman. He did not walk two paces ahead of Scully. He did not ditch
Scully. He took pains to make Scully sound smart by talking in a really
stoopid accent. He rowed a boat gently down the stream without
drowning Scully. And he allowed Hoppy the Bat to attack Scully first. It
gives viewers a wonderful sense of security to be confident in the
knowledge that if Scully and Doggett get abducted by aliens, they'll
torture Scully first.

Aderyn: I, for one, feel a whole lot easier.
Skull: Doggett is such a champ.
Aderyn: And he's just soooo manly. I mean, he was even going around
with his fly unzipped in this ep, just to make Scully feel better about the
strip tease she accidentally gave the Manly Sheriff Men. How freaking
manly can you get?
Skull: Totally. He literally stunk of manliness.
Aderyn: Hey, maybe that's why Hoppy was chasing him! Bats apparently
hunt down stinky people and kill them.
Skull: That's an incentive to buy deodorant if I ever heard one.
Aderyn: A shower a day keeps the batties away!

Gillian Anderson exhibited her usual brilliance in this emotional episode.
Particularly touching was the scene where she donned some slutty
clothing, trundled over to the 7-Eleven, bought cigarettes, a copy of
Cosmo and a Slurpie, and got trashy with it out on the steps. It's
heartening to know that there is some refuge for our poor afflicted bun-in-
the-ovenned agent. I was, however, a little concerned about Scully's
failure to go back inside when she began to sweat. That could be bad for
her health. Even impartial viewers commented that she looked *hot*.

Aderyn: Oh, that whole sequence was totally about Mulder.
Skull: Because Mulder was a hot and sweaty kind of guy?
Aderyn: No. Try again.
Skull: Because seeing Scully all slutty and knocked-up reminded the
viewer that Scrunchy-face was missing out on some good stuff as he
took a tour of outer space?
Aderyn: No, silly! Remember that memorable scene in "Excelsis Dei"
where Mulder solved that case about naughty septuagenarian Altzeimer
patients?
Skull: Erm, let me think about that for a second... NO.
Aderyn: Well, in one scene Mulder said his lines while standing outside
the building on some STEPS!! That whole sequence with Scully
STANDING OUTSIDE, and on some STEPS, just brought all the
memories flooding back. <sniffle>
Skull: Oh. Deah. Gott.

Robert Patrick was very nearly as impressive (but not quite). I could feel
the compassion radiating from Doggett as he watched Scully give a slide
show about buttons that had gone missing from their homes and were
never seen again, even though he was probably thinking about more
manly things like dimpled footballs and turkey. In this reviewer's humble
opinion, Patrick deserves Some of the Prizes. Not All the Prizes. But
definitely a Few of the Prizes.

Mention must be made once again of David Duchovny, because the
show is all about him. I must say, Dee-Dee turned in one of his best
performances this week. I did not see one Scrunchy-Face or hear one
monotone syllable. He is truly to be commended on this understated
performance.

Aderyn: All hail the master of the poker face.
Skull: Don't knock it. I hear new viewers are tuning into the show now that
he's gone - that's how much of an impact his absence is having.
Aderyn: <sniffle> He's still in our hearts.

There was much to be thankful for in "Patience". It was a veritable feast
of phallic torches, kleptomaniac poodles, button & nameplate stuffing,
and roast batties with cranberry sauce.

Aderyn: Please sir, can I have some more?

However, there was also much to regret. The premise of bats and smelly
people did not make for a truly satisfying feast, despite the pleasant side-
dishes of black bras and garter belts. And the morning after, I'm
beginning to regret ever having gone near the bleeping episode. That
plot-stuffing has given me a horrible tummy ache.

Aderyn: Yeah, and it's given me a headache. And blurred vision. And a
significant loss of motor skills.
Skull: I think that may have more to do with the punch I gave you that
didn't have illicit substances in it.

Anyway, once Aderyn's not!hangover wears off, she will attempt to put
together a comprehensible diatribe about next week's episode, which as far
as I can gather is about roadrunners. Meep meep, Happy Thanksgiving,
and we'll see you next week.

-end